Think back to those magical days when you and your partner first fell in love and you thought he or she was practically perfect in every way. This person was the complete package?exactly what you were hoping for. You didn’t notice any flaws, or if you did, you were quick to overlook or diminish them.

Over time, however, you were shocked to learn that your partner was indeed flawed. You wondered, “When did he change? What happened to her?” But the truth is, your partner didn’t change. You did. As the haze of infatuation evaporated, you were faced with a cold, stark reality?your perfect lover is human after all.

And even more shocking?your partner has had the same disappointing revelation about you. He or she no longer views you as perfect and unblemished. Your flaws and frailties are now painfully exposed.

What you once viewed as endearing or fascinating in your partner is now irritating or boring. The little quirks that were so cute and unique suddenly drive you crazy. However, it’s the perception you have of your partner that has shifted over time. Your partner has had these behaviors and quirks all along, and yet you were able to see past them in the beginning. So why can’t you now?

It’s at this point in a romance that many couples start to bicker and try to change one another, building resentments and frustration about perceived imperfections. You long to stuff your partner back into the ideal image you had of him or her, unaware that the ideal was an illusion all along.

It’s painful to realize your perfect partner is an imperfect human being. But once that reality becomes clear, you have two choices. You can make each other miserable by criticizing, blaming, and coercing change, or you can use this awareness as the catalyst for a new and more evolved kind of relationship 먹튀검증커뮤니티.

From our earliest years, we all seek approval and acceptance?first from our parents, then our peers, and later on from our love partners. Once we concede that our spouse or partner is not merely an extension of ourselves and our egos, but rather a unique and worthy individual who deserves our acceptance, then we can enjoy a deeper and more intimate connection.

When we fully embrace this beautifully flawed individual, and he or she accepts us, the relationship becomes much more effortless and enjoyable.

You don’t feel threatened by your differing opinions or interests. Your ego isn’t bruised when your partner doesn’t behave exactly as you would. In fact, you come to love and appreciate the unique differences in one another. You love your partner for the person he or she is?not who you want them to be.

Both partners must be willing to practice acceptance of the other to establish an intimate and joyful connection. If you have ever experienced dissatisfaction or shaming from your partner (or anyone), you know how painful this rejection feels. No one wants to feel they are unacceptable as they are or be coerced to change.

Practicing acceptance doesn’t mean you can’t hope for positive change in certain areas or even ask for it respectfully. But whether or not the change is forthcoming, you must respect your partner as an individual with free will. There are some areas where you and your partner can be flexible, and others where you can’t, but you both deserve love and acceptance regardless.

How to Develop This Habit

Learning to accept your partner is an essential way of showing your esteem and love. It is a way of honoring this unique individual rather than demanding he or she become a clone of you. It takes some effort and self-restraint to practice acceptance, but once you master the skill, you will see how positively it impacts your partner and your relationship.

Adopting this habit requires practicing a new mind-set in which you consciously turn your attention away from your assumptions, disappointments, and frustrations with your partner and toward your love and admiration for him or her.

Here are some strategies for reinforcing this new mind-set.

List your partner’s positive qualities.

Sit down with a journal or notebook and list all of the positive qualities and attributes you appreciate and love about each other. Write down anything and everything you can think of, getting as specific as possible. Some ideas to help you get started include:

-loving and kind behaviors

-romantic gestures

-good character traits

-sense of humor

-intelligence and creativity

-interests and skills

-good parenting skills

-appearance and style

-empathy and compassion

-patience

-work ethic

-shared values

-career successes and abilities

-sexual desirability

-authenticity and openness

-reliability

-loyalty in friendships

-love of extended family members

-ability to forgive and forget

-showing interest in you and your interests

-a positive attitude and thirst for life

-a sense of give and take

-a great laugh or smile

-self-discipline and tenacity

Once you have your list completed, take a few minutes to reflect on each of these positive qualities, how much you appreciate them, and how they enhance your life and relationship.

Review your list with your partner.

After you have finished your lists, find a time when you won’t be interrupted or distracted and read your lists to one another. If you can think of specific examples to share with your partner, talk about these and how much you like or appreciate them. Ask your partner to talk about how it makes him or her feel to hear the things on your list. Notice how your praise and focus on these positive qualities impacts your partner’s attitude, as well as your own.

Keep this list in a place you can refer to it quickly when you find yourself frustrated with or disappointed in your partner.

Work on your negative thinking habits.

If you have gotten in the habit of thinking negative thoughts about your partner and feeling (or acting) critical, disappointed, irritated, or judgmental, then you need to work on changing your thought patterns and the words and behaviors they foster.

The rubber band method mentioned in Habit #2 will help you change these negative thinking habits. Put a rubber band on your wrist as a reminder to pay attention to your thoughts about your spouse or partner.

When you catch yourself mentally grumbling about him or her, move the rubber band to your other wrist or gently pop it to interrupt your thoughts. Then grab your list of qualities you love about your partner and reflect on them rather than focusing on the negative.

In time, you won’t need the rubber band or the list. You will automatically realize when you are indulging in negative thoughts about your partner and will quickly remind yourself of all of his or her good qualities.

Address black-and-white assumptions.

One of the most common causes for conflict in relationships is when one partner believes he or she knows the “right” way to do things, while the other partner is doing it all “wrong.”

You may assume you know best, have the correct solution, or know what is right for your partner. This black-and-white thinking reveals a lack of respect for your partner and an unwillingness to accept him or her as a unique and capable individual.

Adopting this habit involves a willingness to let go of control or the need to be right. It requires holding your tongue when you want to offer up the “better” solution and listening to your partner’s point of view with the awareness that he or she could be right.

If you are in the habit of trying to impose your “rightness” on your partner’s “wrongness,” then you may need a gentle reminder from your partner when this happens. If you can accept this reminder without resentment and you truly want to change, ask your partner to speak up when you engage in black-and-white thinking so you become more aware of it.

Make it a practice to assume that you may NOT be right, or 100% right, and leave room for your partner’s experience or point of view.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

An excellent way to implement the habit of acceptance is by putting yourself in your partner’s position. How would you feel if you partner was constantly critical, frustrated, or disappointed in you? Think about the stress, unhappiness, shame, and guilt you would feel knowing your partner doesn’t accept you as you are.

Of course, you want your partner to offer you love and acceptance without imposing his or her will on you or trying to change who you are. So offer this acceptance to your partner, even if it takes some time for your mind-set to catch up.

Sometimes we try to change our partners because we feel insecure about something within ourselves. Being kinder and more accepting of yourself and your own flaws can help dissolve the control you might want to impose on your partner.