One of the most valuable relationship habits you can develop is active listening. It’s a skill that not only serves your partner and your relationship but also one that stretches you to become more loving, mindful, compassionate, and patient. It also leads to finding more effective solutions to all interpersonal problems.
This listening skill is important to use in situations when your partner is struggling with something and needs to find a solution, or when the two of you are working through a conflict. It is an essential habit to develop for the kind of productive conflict we outlined in Habit #14.
Active listening has tremendous therapeutic value in your relationship. It allows your partner a safe space to express his or her thoughts and feelings.
As your partner hears himself talk, he gains more clarity about his feelings or the problem at hand and becomes better equipped to find a resolution on his or her own or to work on one with you.
When your partner feels heard, an emotional burden is lifted, and he or she feels less stressed. As the listener, you don’t have to agree with everything your partner says. You are listening to learn and to allow your partner to share and vocalize without judgment or anger.
Active listening is not an easy habit to master, mainly because most of us are more motivated to talk than listen. It’s more challenging than basic listening because active listening requires you to be fully present. It is often needed
during uncomfortable times when your partner is in pain or is angry or upset with you or the situation 먹튀검증먹튀카페.
During the time you practice active listening, you aren’t part of a “conversation” in the traditional sense. There’s no give and take, sharing dialogue, or competing to talk. Rather, it’s all about your partner and what he or she is trying to communicate?with words, with the words left unspoken, with body language, and with emotions.
It’s natural to want to offer our partners a solution or advice and tell them what we think will make them happier, more successful, or ease their pain. This is usually done from a sincere desire to help them, but it can also become a knee-jerk reaction because, as a culture, we are encouraged to be solution-oriented. But patience, presence, and silence are the key ingredients for this powerful practice.
If you wish to be more of an active listener with your partner, you must be willing to do the following:
-Allow your partner to dominate the conversation and determine the topic to be discussed.
-Remain completely attentive to what he or she is saying.
-Avoid interrupting, even when you have something important to add.
-Ask open-ended questions that invite more from your partner (if he or she wants that).
-Avoid coming to premature conclusions or offering solutions.
-Reflect back to your partner what you heard once he or she is done speaking.
