Do you and your partner have fun together every day? Do you feel lighthearted and playful around each other more often than not? Can you still be silly, make each other laugh, and find humor in the challenges you face together?

Cultivating the practice of playfulness as a couple is more important to your relationship happiness than you might imagine. Research underscores that playfulness plays a vital role in creating long-lasting relationships, and it “helps couples to overcome routine difficulties, prevents boredom, and boosts positive emotions.”

So what exactly is playfulness in an adult relationship? It is, in part, returning to a childlike mind-set that frees you to enjoy life with your partner. It is an energy of lightness and joie de vivre that runs through your relationship 먹튀검증.

In her paper Playfulness, “World”-Travelling, and Loving Perception, Maria Lugones eloquently describes what playfulness is in a love relationship:

Playfulness is, in part, an openness to being a fool, which is a combination of not worrying about competence, not being self-important, not taking norms as sacred and finding ambiguity and double edges a source of wisdom and delight.
So, positively, the playful attitude involves openness to surprise, openness to being a fool, openness to self-construction or reconstruction and to construction or reconstruction of the “worlds” we inhabit playfully. Negatively, playfulness is characterized by uncertainty, lack of self-importance, absence of rules or a not taking rules as scared, a no worrying about competence and a lack of abandonment to a particular construction of oneself, others and one’s relation to them.

You may remember being more playful at the beginning of your relationship with your partner. You could tease each other, act silly, flirt, and laugh together easily. Perhaps you made up fun games or rituals that were shared just between the two of you.

You chased each other, tickled, made faces, or did crazy dances together. You could even be playful in bed with your sexual intimacy. The two of you just had fun together?an intimate, liberating, intensely shared kind of fun.

As time goes on in a marriage or long-term relationship, our lives become more complicated and often very serious. We are involved in the serious business of grown-up couple stuff. We work hard. We support our families. We worry about money and higher prices. We fret about the condition of the world, politics, or our children. We have endless chores and tasks without much time for fun.

We lose our sense of playfulness due to stress, overwhelm, frustration, exhaustion, and perhaps a sense that having fun is an indulgence we can no longer afford. All that seriousness and stress can take a toll on your relationship. It can make it feel like a business arrangement. It can take the wind out of your sails.

In this environment, it’s easy to forget about playfulness and how important it is to your connection as a couple. Perhaps it’s been too long since fun lived with you every day as a regular companion. Fun may not come knocking at your door, so you may have to invite it in. You have to make playfulness a habit, learn it as a skill, and make time for it in your lives.

You don’t need to feel guilty or embarrassed about being playful together. Being an adult doesn’t mean you’ve lost the childlike quality of wonder and joy and wild abandonment. It’s only as we age that real fun is abandoned. Playfulness doesn’t need to be structured or competitive. It is more a relaxed state of mind that leads to moments of mutual joy and easy vulnerability.

It’s okay to be goofy and unabashedly happy together sometimes. Let your hair fly in the wind. Lighten up about the serious business of being adults, and open the door to more playfulness and fun in your lives together.

How to Develop This Habit

Developing the habit of playfulness is one that you can mindfully practice daily. Although you eventually want playfulness to be a natural, spontaneous way of interacting together, setting a day and time to practice it is a great way to reintroduce it into your daily lives.

Consider practicing this habit every day at the same time of day for four to six weeks. Choose a time when you are relatively relaxed and can set aside 15?20 minutes for fun and playfulness. If you have children, you may be tempted to include them in your playtime, but remember this is a time for reconnecting as a couple.

If you and your partner haven’t been playful with each other in a while, this habit work may feel awkward and uncomfortable at first. Just stick with it, and you will eventually loosen up and enjoy this new freedom to be childlike again.

Remember your early playful times.

Begin this habit by reflecting together on your early relationship days and how you were playful back then. Talk about the silly things you did together, the ways you had fun and enjoyed just being around each other in a light and happy way.

Talk about specific memories with as much detail as you can remember. As you discuss these memories, make notes about any activities or moments that you might want to revive as you work on this habit.

Brainstorm ideas for playfulness.

Prepare for your playfulness practice sessions by coming up with a list of ideas for having fun and being playful for 15?20 minutes (or longer, if you have the time). Be sure whatever you include isn’t competitive but rather cooperative.

Be creative and humorous with the ideas you develop, and enjoy the time together brainstorming. This is an opportunity for playfulness in itself!

Here are a number of ideas to get you started:

-Get some bubble soap and wands and blow bubbles together.

-Go outside and climb a tree.

-Lie down outside and count stars or identify cloud shapes.

-Put on rock music and dance.

-Have a scavenger hunt around the house.

-Write each other silly love poems.

-Talk to each other in “Pig Latin.”

-Wash each other’s hair in the sink.

-Paint each other’s toenails.

-Rake up a big leaf pile and jump in together.

-Read out loud to each other in foreign accents.

-Draw pictures of your favorite sexual positions together.

-Build an indoor fort.

-Play in the sprinkler on a warm day.

-Have a Nerf gun war.

-Look at baby pictures of each other.

-Play strip poker (which might lead to more fun).

-Do something totally unexpected and silly.

-Play the game Twister.

-Go outside and play catch.

-Tie your legs together and complete your dinner preparations this way.

-Create your bucket list together.

-Take a walk?and hold hands and skip for part of it.

-Plan a surprise for each other.

-Take a walk together in the pouring rain.

-Wrap each other up in toilet paper and take pictures.

-Paint a picture together.

-Play the block-stacking game of Jenga together.

-Have a quickie in an unexpected place wearing all of your clothes (except the essential ones).

Extend your playfulness to date nights.

Date nights are surprisingly important to the health of your relationship and provide more opportunities for playfulness. According to a study by the Marriage Foundation, couples that have a monthly date night are 14% less likely to break up.

Another recent study by The National Marriage Project called “The Date Night Opportunity” confirmed that date nights foster stronger relationships and marriages. Date night adds excitement and novelty to the connection, which leads to more satisfaction in the relationship.

As you add playfulness to your daily life, remember to extend it with longer date nights that involve fun and playfulness. Set up weekly dates, and try to do something where you are active and engaged with one another, rather than falling back on the typical dinner-and-a-movie date.

Going bike riding, hiking, bowling, dancing, taking a cooking class, going on a picnic, attending an outdoor festival, or taking a sunset motorcycle ride are ideas that are worth exploring. If you get stuck, here are 50 creative ideas you can use to plan your next date night.

Use playfulness in your daily tasks and interactions.

You can reduce some of the stress that shuts down playfulness by being more lighthearted and playful with your daily tasks and life obligations.

Pop your spouse playfully with the dish towel. Give him a quick spray with the garden hose. Make a suggestive comment as she’s leaning over the bed to make it up.

You can also “gamify” some of your chores by doing them together and applying a special challenge or quirky rules or by setting a timer to see who can finish first. Turn on some music while you clean, and just enjoy being partners who work and play together.

In the evening, rather than surfing your computers or turning on the evening news, cook dinner together while listening to music and enjoying a glass of wine. Parent together in a more playful and cooperative way, showing your kids teamwork and humor even when they challenge you.

Try hard to remember that life is short. It is meant to be enjoyed and experienced fully. Try to catch yourself when you see you are getting overly stressed and serious and look for the humor in difficult or unpleasant situations that arise throughout the day.

Address bigger issues that impact playfulness.

Life does present us with serious challenges and stressors that impact our emotional health. These life events can make us brittle and anxious, unable to respond to our partner’s efforts at playfulness or to initiate any ourselves. Having fun seems like an impossible indulgence when life is so stressful.

Often, we take on too much, spend more than we should, or neglect to manage our lives in ways that help us stay centered and lighthearted. All of the stress can make us grouchy, angry, fretful, and distant. But this is not what your partner deserves, and it certainly doesn’t help your own physical or mental health.

You owe it to yourself and your partner to deal with whatever it is that’s preventing you from enjoying life and each other. This might mean changing jobs, cutting back on spending, finally dealing with an ongoing challenge, or saying no to some obligations. Do what needs to be done to reduce your stress so you can find joy again in your relationship.