Empires rise and fall on good plumbing. A proper plumber can get any job done. A bad plumber can get you dead.
Make sure to thoroughly research the next Pipe Fitter you invite into your home and, at all costs, you should avoid these Five infamous plumbers:
Infamous Plumber #5 – John Gotti
Plumbing supply salesman John Gotti was convicted on multiple counts of murder, extortion, tax evasion and racketeering. At his 1992 trial, Gotti was sentenced to five consecutive life sentences and stood revealed as the boss of the Gambino Crime Family.
This marked the end of Gotti’s plumbing career. He would have to trade his overalls and tool belt for an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs.
He spent the rest of his life in a maximum-security prison at the mercy of a low flow toilet.
Infamous Plumber #4 – Super Mario
Most people remember Super Mario as a brave plumber on a quest to save the sewer princess from a land of sentient fungus…or something.
In reality, Mario is subtle, communist-style propaganda. Notice his passion for the color red, an uncanny resemblance to Joseph Stalin and the red star flag he raises at every castle he conquers?
Super Mario and his less politically minded brother Luigi are Marxist puppets sent to depose our leaders and replace them with heroes of the proletariat.
Infamous Plumber #3 – Joe the Plumber
During the 2008 campaign for President, Joe the Plumber became a media sensation. He accused then-Senator Barrack Obama of taxing his business into bankruptcy.
In reality; Joe didn’t pay taxes, wasn’t a plumber and never voted. That didn’t stop Senator John McCain from turning Joe into the central talking point of his failed run for the White House.
Joe the Plumber is considering a career in congress as Joe the Politician. His experience shoveling crap should come in handy.
Infamous Plumber #2 – Thomas Crapper
Speaking of crap…Thomas Crapper is the guy who invented the toilet. Except that he didn’t.
He actually manufactured them in Europe around WWI. Soldiers coming back from the front brought together Crapper’s name and the toilet. They saw the words “T. Crapper” printed on the tanks and coined the slang “crapper” meaning toilet.
He served as the royal sanitary engineer for England’s King but was never knighted. Crapper continues to get dumped on today as some historians doubt his very existence.
Infamous Plumber #1 – The Roman Plumber
I’m cheating but there wasn’t just one bad plumber in ancient Rome. They were all criminally negligent.
Early plumbers used lead pipes in the homes of their affluent clients. Lead poisoning is a commonly accepted explanation for the dementia of Roman emperors like Caligula and Nero.
The illness spread to the populace as indoor plumbing became common practice. Citizens migrated away, the capital moved and the empire splintered. The fall of Rome brought a thousand years of medieval squalor and sickness to the world.
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