Have you ever been to a restaurant and seen a couple sitting a few tables away and they’re barely speak to one another during the entire meal?

They eat their food as though they are sitting alone at the kitchen table, looking anywhere but at their partner. There’s no laughter and very little conversation. In fact, they seem like two uncomfortable strangers.

If they can’t interact while sitting across from each other in a public place, you wonder how much more disconnected they are in the privacy of their home.

As a marriage or relationship gets past the honeymoon phase, couples tend to fall into a sad pattern of inattention to the details of one another’s lives. They neglect to show attention to their partner’s thoughts, interests, dreams, likes, dislikes, and feelings. They believe they know everything there is to know about one another, so they stop being inquisitive and curious.

However, mindful couples make it a point to become intimately familiar with each other’s worlds on an ongoing basis. They recognize that their partner is a deep and ever-evolving being to be explored and appreciated. They understand that people continue to grow and change, and they want to share in that growth with one another.

When you become an expert on your partner, you might know his favorite sports shows on TV. He knows exactly how you like your coffee because he pays attention. You both make time to ask about each other’s day and to discuss what’s on your mind. But becoming an expert involves more than just
these daily preferences and activities. It involves exploring your inner worlds as well 먹튀검증커뮤니티.

She remembers the painful memories of your childhood that still cause you to suffer, and she is there for you without you having to ask. He asks you probing questions about the class you are taking, knowing how important it is to you. You never tease him about those few extra pounds because you know he feels insecure about his weight.

Being genuinely curious and learning more about one another doesn’t just improve your communication. It also protects your relationship from the inevitable storms and difficulties you will face as a couple.

When a couple is keenly aware of what each partner thinks and feels, they are less likely to be thrown for a loop when challenges occur. For example, when a couple has their first child, it creates a huge change in their lives, adding more demands with less sleep.

Couples who know each other well and communicate often about their thoughts, needs, and feelings are much less likely to experience relationship unhappiness during this time of upheaval when a baby enters their lives, according to research by marriage expert John Gottman.

Becoming an expert on your partner also fosters intimacy, compassion, mutual interests, novelty, and admiration. If your partner dreams of learning to sail, you might be inspired to join him in that dream, creating another avenue for companionship, learning, and fun.

If you inquire about your partner’s anxiety related to her new job, you can be there to support and strengthen her in a way that best helps her. When you are curious about your partner’s childhood, you’ll have a better understanding of his emotional reactions and motivations.

The more you learn about each other, the deeper and more connected your relationship will grow. And because all of us continue to change and evolve over time, this mutual learning process is a lifetime endeavor. You can encourage, inspire, support, and motivate one another as you share your inner worlds year after year.

Rather than allowing yourselves to drift into separate corners over time, assuming that there’s nothing left to know about each other, you can continue to unfold and reveal the depths of yourselves.

Does this mean you need to share or hear everything? If there are certain things you don’t want to hear, like the details about your spouse’s past lovers, that’s understandable. Or if you don’t want to mention that time you cheated on a test in high school, no harm done.

You can create appropriate boundaries around sharing, as long as you aren’t hiding something significant or lying to your partner. But keep the door open to any kind of sharing that gives you more insight and understanding of one another as you grow through your lives.

How to Develop This Habit

Schedule a regular time to talk for 15 to 30 minutes when you won’t be interrupted or distracted. Maybe it’s just before bed or at the end of the evening meal. As you’ve done with other habits, establish a trigger and reminder system so you don’t forget to follow through.

Hopefully, you will enjoy these exploratory conversations so much that they easily become part of your daily routine. You will find many occasions throughout the day to be curious and interested in your partner if you pay attention.

If you think of your partner as someone exceedingly fascinating, with a treasure trove of uniqueness to explore, then you’ll find yourself looking for ways to become more engaged in his or her life.

Discover how well you currently know your partner.

Before you begin working on this habit, assess your current knowledge of your partner to see how well you know him or her.

Answer the following questions, writing down your answers in a journal or notebook. Then review your answers with your partner to see how many you answered correctly. With just this exercise, you’ll be surprised at how much you learn about your partner.

Here is a list of potential questions you could ask:

1. What is stressing out your partner most right now?

2. How does your partner spend most of his/her time?

3. Who was your partner’s closest childhood friend?

4. What are some things on your partner’s bucket list?

5. What is your partner’s favorite music?

6. What is one of the most pivotal moments in your partner’s life?

7. What does your partner feel the most insecure about?

8. What would your partner do with the money if he/she won the lottery?

9. What is your partner’s favorite meal?

10. What kind of books does your partner like?

11. What is one of your partner’s sexual fantasies?

12. What is your partner’s most painful life experience?

13. What kind of work would your partner like to do if he/she wasn’t in this current job?

14. What is your partner’s biggest life regret?

15. What was your partner wearing when you first met?

16. Where was your partner born?

17. What is your partner’s favorite leisure activity?

18. What is your partner’s favorite restaurant?

19. Who is your partner’s current best friend?

20. What does your partner eat for breakfast most mornings?

21. What is one of your partner’s main life goals?

22. What is something your partner doesn’t like about himself/herself?

23. What is your partner most proud of?

24. Which member of your partner’s extended family is he/she closest to?

25. What does your partner think about the most?

26. What is one of your partner’s happiest childhood memories?

27. What are your partner’s religious or spiritual beliefs?

28. How does your partner feel around his/her parents?

29. What does your partner value most in life?

30. What kind of gift would your partner love to receive?

31. What does your partner prefer to do on New Year’s Eve?

32. What is your partner’s favorite vacation spot?

33. What does your partner love most about you?

34. How does your partner feel about surprise birthday parties for him/her?

35. What does your partner need most from you in your relationship?

Consider what you want to discuss and learn.

There is an endless array of topics to discuss to learn more about one another. You’ll be surprised at how much you really don’t know about your partner once you begin talking and asking questions. Here are some ideas to help you:

-Share the events of your day, the people you encountered, and how they impacted you.

-Share your emotions, shifting moods, shameful or embarrassing feelings, and deepest fears.

-Share stories about your childhood, your past loves, your friends, your parents, your travels, your jobs, and your life experiences.

-Discuss books, podcasts, movies, current affairs, politics, your religious beliefs, your hopes and dreams, your life regrets, and your favorite memories.

-Become so curious and intrigued by your partner that you never run out of questions, as though you are a detective trying to gather every detail. If you need additional ideas for questions that can help you improve your relationship and learn about one
another, consider going through Barrie’s book 201 Relationship Questions.

Provide a safe environment for sharing.

The key to success with this habit is to give one another a safe environment in which to share anything without fear of judgment, derision, teasing, or shaming, as we discussed in Habit #10 on vulnerability. You both want the freedom to share openly, offering the positive and not-so-positive parts of your inner worlds.

Neither of you should shame, tease, deride, or criticize the other during these conversations, even if you learn something unexpected or surprising. You want to encourage open and empathic communication that leads to deeper intimacy.

Find ways to expand your growth together.

As you learn more about one another, you will encounter opportunities for exploration, growth, and learning as a couple. Take full advantage of these opportunities as an upward call for your relationship and your own personal growth.

For example, if one of you becomes interested in meditation, you might go on a meditation retreat together as a couple or choose to meditate together every morning. If your partner has strong and well-researched political beliefs, this may inspire you to explore your own beliefs and what really matters to you as a citizen of the world.

Don’t just listen and nod as you learn about each other. Let your partner’s experiences, beliefs, interests, and opinions serve as a springboard for pursuing a fuller, richer experience of life together.